It’s Time To Get Pregnant With A Novel.

Week #1

Life is about priorities. For some, being able to maintain a social life is more important than becoming a Doctor of Medicine, others find it essential to have a wealthy lifestyle, while others would prefer to have a simple life with deep human connections.

While most of my friends are getting pregnant, and some others have already become mothers. Self-development is still my priority. I’m still learning more about myself, getting to know my fears, what I love and don’t, and improving and challenging myself daily in order to help people in their turn become the best version of themselves, discover their true passion, and unlock their creativity.

 I never thought about having a family and getting married until recently, but this is not the time for me. 

 Now is the time to get pregnant with a novel. it’s just that it has been a long time since I’ve had the idea of writing a book.

It’s important to finish what we started.

As I looked through my old papers, I noticed the word “continue” marked on most.

6 years ago, I was writing a screenplay. I completed half of it and stopped. 

Maybe I wanted to be among those who tell you plenty of stories about how they wished their life would come to be and failed to realize that because of so many reasons that were out of their hands… yeah, bullshit!

 Maybe I was registered into this mindset in my early twenties, but not anymore. 

 I have learned through experience that whenever we want something… and if we want it hard enough… we can get it. 

I’m scared!

 “I’m scared” is what I wanted to text my friend, hoping that he would grasp the idea and guess what words I needed to hear to lift me up, and in case he didn’t, I would end up feeling disappointed. 

 Then I thought since I know the exact words I need to hear… why don’t I simply say them to myself and get rid of that feeling… 

 It was getting rid of a feeling. Well, that’s the problem; getting rid of a feeling won’t allow it just to disappear. It will get more intense, and instead of having a small word to say to us, the emotion will end up shouting!

 Yeah, a feeling can shout at you… but let’s talk about that later. 

A meeting with “fear”.

 On that day, I had a meeting with this emotion and allowed it to express itself, and that’s what it had to say. 

Fear: I’m afraid… I’m so scared that once I publish a book, there’s no way of getting back… I won’t be that person whom people will get amazed by her talent. Once I announce it, I’ll have to stick to it and, for once, finish. I won’t be able to impress people by having written a feature film with significant nuances and a story yet hasn’t finished it. What if my books become a success? And what if it doesn’t? What about writing other books? What if… Uh… It’s an enormous responsibility!

 I listened to what fear had to say, and I could feel my heartache. 

A reminder: stay kind to yourself.

 My fear was coinciding with a lack of self-love. And here, I had to stay kind to myself and remind myself that I deserve to do the one thing I always wanted to do. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and I don’t have to rush it. 

I can enjoy writing the book slowly to give life to my ideas and a channel to my racing thoughts. It’s not about getting it right from the first time. It’s about experimenting with my imagination and knowledge and presenting an excellent final result. 

Life is about priorities and we’re the only ones to decide upon them.

Ninette Abi Atallah